I am going through a breakup and it isn't easy. The urge of calling him, texting him isn't going away and I really don't know what to do. Talking to him will not be the right thing to do so here I am, in front of my computer screen, admitting things I haven't told even myself.
Well, it's my first blog post and I have called it day 4 because it's the fourth day since I have broken up with my boyfriend. I'm going to post something which I wrote on the night when my boyfriend and I parted ways.
The night we broke up!
So after seven and a half years of being with him, we've finally parted ways. I think he is too immature to figure out that he doesn't love me anymore. I have been the pushing force in this relationship and the moment I decided to leave, he let me go. I know he wouldn't want to get back now and I'm okay with it. How I can be with someone who doesn't love me back? Of course it doesn't change the fact that I love him and even if I try to forget him or start loving someone else, there will always be a part of me which will still be in love with him. Well that's how it works for me. I hope I get better soon. He stopped replying to my messages. Probably he is asleep like always. He's still a kid and until that changes, I don't think he'll realize what he's doing in his life. He really needs to get out of his comfort zone and be out there. I have been without him for a long time. Even though he was there, he never really was. So now his presence is missing. It'll be missing forever but I have him in my memories. He'll always be there unless I go crazy and forget everything. What am I going to do though? How will I be happy again? I really want to be happy!!! I don't want to cry.
Day 4
Well, now when after four days I am reading what I wrote, I want to slap myself. I was angry and so I blamed him for everything. It's isn't right you know. We often blame others when things go wrong. Why? Because it is the easy way out. But you gotta think, you gotta take your time and see what went wrong and that's what I have been doing too. No, I don't blame him for anything. He was just being himself. His way of loving me, showing that he cares is very different from my way of loving him. We are two different people. Our approaches towards an issue are different, our reactions are different and so our responses.
I miss him. I really do. I keep checking my phone just to see his name blink on my phone's screen. I know it'll be a long time till I see a text from him but hey seven and a half years is no game. What am I supposed to do? Should I try and forget him? Should I completely remove him from my life? Or should I just let things be and wait. My heart tells me to wait because somewhere down there I want things to go back to how they were. I want him to fix everything, My brain tells me to let go of everything and focus only on my future. Don't know what's right and what's not. For now, I'm taking one day at a time and the moment I feel like messaging him, I'll turn towards this screen and start writing.
